The Beautiful game and the Ugly truth

Issue # 3

The euphoria and excitement of tournament football is palpable. It comes either in the form of The World Cup or the European championships. They occur very four years, which means we get a football tournament every 2 years.

Yay, say the fans worldwide as the anticipation for the tournament is yearly, first through qualification and then on to discovering the group their country has been placed in. The conversation then commences on how far the country would go in the tournament. Is this the year where we win it all? Is it coming home?                                                                                                                                        

The ugly numbers.

Whilst some celebrate their teams making it to the tournaments, others are hoping the national team do not make it through. There is a dark reason for not wanting tournament football to exist at all.  Statistics show that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime and most domestic abuse cases are perpetrated by men towards women. This piece of writing will therefore focus on the abuse of women by their male partners.

There is a link of tournament football and an increase in report of domestic abuse. Research by Lancaster University and the National Centre for Domestic Violence reveals that report of violent domestic abuse increases by 26% when the national team (England) play in tournament football. This increases to 38% when the team loses and 11% increase a day after the match, win lose or draw. Breaking the numbers down, shows that for example; prior to a major football tournament, if for example there are 100 reported domestic abuse cases, but when the tournament comes along, this number jumps to 126 when the national team play and up to 138 when the team lose.

I always find this figure startling and when you consider that this figure is based on the incidents of domestic abuse reported, then the scope becomes bigger.

What is Domestic abuse?                                                                         

Domestic abuse includes emotional, verbal, psychological, financial, sexual, physical forms of abuse and a pattern of controlling and coercive behaviours, where one partner seeks to hold power and control over the other’s life. It is abuse that is predominantly perpetrated by men against women. The severity can range from verbal to sexual abuse and in some cases death.

It saddens me to think that whilst some in the country are cheering for their team to win, some are praying not to be beaten.

What are the contributing factors?                                                                    

As a psychotherapist that has worked with perpetrators of violent and or abusive behaviours to help break the cycle of abuse, firstly with Everyman project and recently with Halcyon programme, I have had the experience of exploring this complex phenomenon. In my experience, football tournaments are not the only occasion that lead to spikes in incidents of domestic abuse. There is data to support that major holidays and significant events can also lead to an increase.

In my experience, I identified some contributing factors that may help explain the increase of domestic abuse cases. I need to make clear that this breakdown is in no way excusing or explaining away the maladaptive behaviours of some of these men, but I offer these factors to better understand and thus help create policy that may contribute to the reduction or erasure of this increase.

The factors I identified are: emotional arousal, loss of control, alcohol consumption, and expectations.

Emotional arousal is the increase in emotional activation through the pressures of the game, the excitement and whirlwind nature of a football game. This could be positive or negative emotions.  These high stressed situations can lead to a lack of emotional regulation and thus creating an open sore of emotions.

Loss of control can occur when the emotions are raw, and the individual is feeling unwanted vulnerability. This feeling may bring up negative emotions that the individual may want to block or escape from such as sadness, anger, worthlessness, shame, powerlessness. The inability to manage this or control it may lead to seeking an alternative to source to control. In this case, the partner is then used as a substitute, a convenient distraction in which they feel they can impose their power over and dominate, thus covering up the vulnerable feelings. Sense of control regained!

Alcohol consumption increases during football tournaments in most western countries as the culture of football and alcohol can be invariably linked. Alcohol as much as it is a depressant, it can also hinder judgement and reason. Sometimes the time of the game can contribute to the effect of alcohol in these situations. The earlier the game is, the longer the drinking time. The longer the drinking time, the more alcohol is consumed. It doesn’t help that major tournaments are also sponsored by alcohol companies . the visuals of alcohol adverts are then inescapable, adding to the culture and expectations of drinking to enjoy the game.

Expectations of the success or failure of the football team can also contribute to the level of emotional arousal. For an example, if your team are expected to lose and lose, the emotional dump may not be as great as if the team are expected to win and then lose. The expectations can lead to disappointment and a negative reaction that may then seek a release on something or someone they feel they can dominate.

It is worth noting that the increases in incidents during football tournaments does not point to new perpetrators of domestic abuse, but instead points to perpetrators of abuse increasing in frequency during major football tournaments.

Solution

Some solutions paved have focused on what can the survivors of this abuse do to mitigate the abuse. I think this thinking is indicative of placing the responsibility of the abuse on the victims and not the perpetrators. It is advisable to be vigilant in any case of repeated abuse. One incident is too many and should be heeded as such. The solution I endorse is one where the perpetrator steps out of the shadow of silence and repeat behaviour and shows courage to acknowledge and seek help in stopping their maladaptive behaviour.

Preventative steps that can be taken by the perpetrators of abuse can include abstaining from alcohol consumption during matches. This reduces the chances of having their reasoning and emotions compromised. This requires the self-awareness to recognise that you indeed have a problem with controlling your behaviours.

This step may add meaning to the saying that prevention is better than cure. I see this as a useful strategy but shouldn’t be the only solution. This is akin to taking pain killer for the pain. It eases the discomfort but does not fix the root cause of the ill.  I propose that to ultimately deal with this damaging behaviour, policy makers would need to adopt a dual system of providing support and safeguarding for survivors of domestic abuse and solutions of dealing with the perpetrators of the abuse.

The current system of persecution and nothing else is akin to kicking the can down the road. The can will still be littering somewhere. What usually happens in this current way is that the perpetrator will ultimately move on to potentially commit the abuse with the next partner and the next and the cycle lives on, leaving in its dust broken families, traumatised loved ones and more burden on the state to pick up the pieces.

The solution to this problem should put the emphasis on the perpetrator to do the work and take on the responsibility of curbing their abuse. The impetus should not be on the survivors of this abuse to simply avoid these men. This is more complex than that. There are many reasons why this does not happen, the reasons include the emotional ties, co-dependency, the effect of abuse itself in the form of coercive and controlling behaviours, children in the relationship, fear of harm, past traumas and more.

In my position as a psychotherapist working in this field, I have had proximity to the problem and what I believe is the solution. In my time working within the Halcyon programme, I employed an Interpersonal Violence and Abuse Desistance approach which integrated humanistic, cognitive, behavioural and psychodynamic psychotherapy models with psychoeducational approaches. This 30-week programme aimed to work with men that self-referred, referred by family services and the judicial systems in breaking the cycle of abuse and destruction. This programme employs the unique choice of all men being allocated male therapists.

I believe that for us as a society to really tackle this destructive behaviour, we should allocate space for the treatment of men seeking help. Let’s create a counsel culture rather than a cancel one.

The Halcyon programme and can be found on www.talkingtherapyclinic.com .

Whilst we cheer on our team, lets share a collective thought for the women that are praying for a totally different battle.